Now that I'm no longer drunk, I'm going to elaborate...I wasn't drunk, my good vibes were just ruined when I read subtweets directed toward the Pig, hate that stuff, just call me out.
I digress.
The Negative Ute Fan.
A Complaint about Complainers.
I'm of the assumption that Ute fans are 99% all big Ute fans, but a fan of what? The Utes winning or losing? I have a theory that some fans, who through no fault of their own (weaned too late, McBride, Fassell et al PTSD, etc.), enjoy wallowing in the faults, failures, and mistakes that the men and women of our sports teams make. It's as if a win, any win, is almost a killjoy because, ergo, there's nothing to complain about...oh wait.
Which is actually false because someone just complained about our 20+ point win, I guess Bachinsky sucks.
I stand corrected.
They love to question things like my never-to-be-satisfied Asian Dragon Mother. "Why get only A-, what's wrong with regular A? Why you such a failure, not like your sister, she gets better grades and better looking. You not my child until you get better grades and get facelift...milkman your real Papa, I make bad choice when I drink too much Shoju.."
Woah...awkward, trying to be crassy here.
Anyway...
Questioning things...what's there to question? And why question it? When you go to work, does Coach Whitt call you up and question the way you're doing your job?
"Wrong drill bro, use the one with a bigger bit, or hammer. And who called that Tampa Cover 2 dammit?!?"
When you're making love to your 24-year old mistress, does Chris Hill text you and offer you an extension?
"Whoa, 6", not gonna happen pal, max is 2", sorry, I can't help you last longer. This is policy!"
And does Gary Andersen fill you dreams at night with his charming overtures about Corvallis and becoming a Beaver believer?
"Corvallis is like the Bahamas of the Northwest kid and we have all you can eat jerky. You'll start five years here man, promise."
Probably not...
Here's the other thing, are any of us really qualified to ask the right question to question any of our coaching staff, admin, or players?
Would it make us all happier if Utah asked?
"Please do tell us your thoughts, you throngs of fans of Utah, give us your opinions of how to do our jobs better, you know, because YOU THE fans are the experts with REALLY good ideas and plans of actions...and offensive play calling."
Why are fan opinions all of a sudden expert opinions?
"Oh it's because we have #sources, Twitter, Tribue column, and a radio show? Right. I swear, Brady AND Cary AND the kids texted me and told me Kyle was going to coach BYU." - The Fanzzzzz...
So why am I tired of fans whining?
Oh yeah, because people like me, happy/reasonable fans, are tired of the nitpicking of every stupid thing I hear and read! These are negative people who just can't enjoy the season's result; bowl blowout win, swept L.A., beat Furd there, ranked, had a damned good time, aawww these sucked!! These people are ruining my buzz man and these guys are always yapping about this crap in whatever forum they can find.
Fire Chris Hill..
Fire Whillingham...err..Whittingham, yeah that guy!
Fire the Pig Bus...
Welby you're a lemming...and drunk again.
We are DOOMED!!
And the worst thing about the negative Shitake? It's always doom and gloom speculation and paranoia that's based on no real facts. The hard work that our coaches, staff,and kids put in are totally marginalized by these "unhappy" opinions of people who have; 1) never coached a football team, let alone a P5, 2) never ran an athletic program, let alone one that's in a P5, 3) never worked in an athletic program, let alone one that's in a P5, and 4) never played in college team, let alone in a P5.
Welby, that's only 4P, you'll never kick that polar bear into the ice hole.
So while the Naboobs sit on their ass in front of their laptop typing up their next Tweet about what a crap job our coaches are doing with recruits, our coaches are missing putting their kids to bed because they're catching a red eye to Atlanta, to hop on a plane to nowhere Florida, so they can pander to some 18-year old kid with an ego the size of the Gulf of Mexico.
Mmmm...gulf shrimp cocktails and stone crabs.
My thing is...these are my peeps, and I get to do what they can't, tell these baboon naboobs of negativity to drink a tall drank of STFU, you are clueless unappreciative tool bags who couldn't coach a BYU co-ed out of an elevator with a tub of grease and a dozen donuts.
Woah...what kind of grease tho, amirite, right?
The negativity bothers me more probably because the targets of these barbs are people whom I know and care about. They are absolutely powerless to say or do anything about the crap people write and say about them. Nothing like fan criticism of people who live, breath, eat, and drink to produce a product for us to enjoy. Our people work hard, very hard, harder than anyone I know, to build and keep Utah great. So, I take it upon myself to say things they can't and to remind fans that these are living and breathing people like us, not caricatures who don't deserve our respect.
But..but..Welby, these Utah people suck at what they do, it's my job to point out they suck because I care about the Utes! I am a fan dammit, a fan who cares!!
Really? Tell me more about your Poli-sci final and your expertise on operations.
There are "fans" who are so negative all the time that I wonder why in the Hell they're even a fan?
"So you're not happy with Chris Hill. Okay, please tell me why and when did you last talk to the good Phd doctor about why this is? Oh, right, you DON'T WORK at Utah...but since you bought season tickets, you must've received that complimentary Master Degree in Sports Management with the purchase, and now you're an expert. Oh wait, you're a lawyer, oh, sorry that must make you an expert on these matters, my apologies, failed doctor."
These naboobs are the people who go to a movie and complain through the whole thing, robbing everyone within earshot of enjoying the experience of it.
"Seriously, I'm digging this Kevin Hart flick, and I don't care if you don't think he ain't funny or can't act, STFU, and turn off your cellphone."
But Welby, everyone has a right to complain. We have a voice, without us, there would be no "Utah".
I complain about stuff all the time, mostly about other people complaining about complaining about complaining. You have every right to rant, America, home of the complainers and ranters, we're all the same. In fact, I'm complaining right now that this breakfast sucks. But lord almighty, give our team a break and ease up. I mean you name it, the Ute whiners complain about it. It's like they almost cheer for us to lose so they can have something to bitch and complain about. Lookie, IMHO 80% of Utah fans are happy and enjoy our wins, but the jackrabbit 1% who complain are unfortunately 80% of what is fed over the loudspeakers.
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered...we need action!!
We have some serious 1st world problems going on here because we got people complaining about being successful. I wonder, why even bother responding to them, I should order another pitcher of bacon instead? But as my form of entertainment (this is what all of this is, right?), I spend time thinking and getting involved in this stuff. Someone has to stand up to these bullies...why not lil ol me?
As my Asian Uncle Olaf used to say...to be fair.
So I axed ya'll...what, where, and why is the beef dealio? If a Naboob can lay out legitimate arguments for their grievance(s), that's based on facts (not #sources), that have resulted in a disaster for our team, PLEASE educate us of your wisdom and research. If it's legit, I'll join the narrative you're throwing down. And, I'll do one more up, I'll even write my local Ute congressperson and see if they can do us a solid and make things right.
Otherwise, lighten up and enjoy the ride, it's a good one. Give our peeps some props instead of always complaining about their body of work. They deserve some accolades and cheers, they work hard, are good at what they do, and bring us wins. Don't be the fanbase that make their jobs a thankless one. Enjoy being a fan, it's all just a game and your downer thing is making us all lose our cool buzz. Be positive man, our future is bright, so bright we gotta wear shades bros and ladies.
Complaint done, now drinking more "Everything is Awesome" Kool-Aid. Mmmmm...cherrylicious.
Peace out.
Go Utes!!
Welby aka "Fan Police"
I digress.
The Negative Ute Fan.
A Complaint about Complainers.
I'm of the assumption that Ute fans are 99% all big Ute fans, but a fan of what? The Utes winning or losing? I have a theory that some fans, who through no fault of their own (weaned too late, McBride, Fassell et al PTSD, etc.), enjoy wallowing in the faults, failures, and mistakes that the men and women of our sports teams make. It's as if a win, any win, is almost a killjoy because, ergo, there's nothing to complain about...oh wait.
Which is actually false because someone just complained about our 20+ point win, I guess Bachinsky sucks.
I stand corrected.
They love to question things like my never-to-be-satisfied Asian Dragon Mother. "Why get only A-, what's wrong with regular A? Why you such a failure, not like your sister, she gets better grades and better looking. You not my child until you get better grades and get facelift...milkman your real Papa, I make bad choice when I drink too much Shoju.."
Woah...awkward, trying to be crassy here.
Anyway...
Questioning things...what's there to question? And why question it? When you go to work, does Coach Whitt call you up and question the way you're doing your job?
"Wrong drill bro, use the one with a bigger bit, or hammer. And who called that Tampa Cover 2 dammit?!?"
When you're making love to your 24-year old mistress, does Chris Hill text you and offer you an extension?
"Whoa, 6", not gonna happen pal, max is 2", sorry, I can't help you last longer. This is policy!"
And does Gary Andersen fill you dreams at night with his charming overtures about Corvallis and becoming a Beaver believer?
"Corvallis is like the Bahamas of the Northwest kid and we have all you can eat jerky. You'll start five years here man, promise."
Probably not...
Here's the other thing, are any of us really qualified to ask the right question to question any of our coaching staff, admin, or players?
Would it make us all happier if Utah asked?
"Please do tell us your thoughts, you throngs of fans of Utah, give us your opinions of how to do our jobs better, you know, because YOU THE fans are the experts with REALLY good ideas and plans of actions...and offensive play calling."
Why are fan opinions all of a sudden expert opinions?
"Oh it's because we have #sources, Twitter, Tribue column, and a radio show? Right. I swear, Brady AND Cary AND the kids texted me and told me Kyle was going to coach BYU." - The Fanzzzzz...
So why am I tired of fans whining?
Oh yeah, because people like me, happy/reasonable fans, are tired of the nitpicking of every stupid thing I hear and read! These are negative people who just can't enjoy the season's result; bowl blowout win, swept L.A., beat Furd there, ranked, had a damned good time, aawww these sucked!! These people are ruining my buzz man and these guys are always yapping about this crap in whatever forum they can find.
Fire Chris Hill..
Fire Whillingham...err..Whittingham, yeah that guy!
Fire the Pig Bus...
Welby you're a lemming...and drunk again.
We are DOOMED!!
And the worst thing about the negative Shitake? It's always doom and gloom speculation and paranoia that's based on no real facts. The hard work that our coaches, staff,and kids put in are totally marginalized by these "unhappy" opinions of people who have; 1) never coached a football team, let alone a P5, 2) never ran an athletic program, let alone one that's in a P5, 3) never worked in an athletic program, let alone one that's in a P5, and 4) never played in college team, let alone in a P5.
Welby, that's only 4P, you'll never kick that polar bear into the ice hole.
So while the Naboobs sit on their ass in front of their laptop typing up their next Tweet about what a crap job our coaches are doing with recruits, our coaches are missing putting their kids to bed because they're catching a red eye to Atlanta, to hop on a plane to nowhere Florida, so they can pander to some 18-year old kid with an ego the size of the Gulf of Mexico.
Mmmm...gulf shrimp cocktails and stone crabs.
My thing is...these are my peeps, and I get to do what they can't, tell these baboon naboobs of negativity to drink a tall drank of STFU, you are clueless unappreciative tool bags who couldn't coach a BYU co-ed out of an elevator with a tub of grease and a dozen donuts.
Woah...what kind of grease tho, amirite, right?
The negativity bothers me more probably because the targets of these barbs are people whom I know and care about. They are absolutely powerless to say or do anything about the crap people write and say about them. Nothing like fan criticism of people who live, breath, eat, and drink to produce a product for us to enjoy. Our people work hard, very hard, harder than anyone I know, to build and keep Utah great. So, I take it upon myself to say things they can't and to remind fans that these are living and breathing people like us, not caricatures who don't deserve our respect.
But..but..Welby, these Utah people suck at what they do, it's my job to point out they suck because I care about the Utes! I am a fan dammit, a fan who cares!!
Really? Tell me more about your Poli-sci final and your expertise on operations.
There are "fans" who are so negative all the time that I wonder why in the Hell they're even a fan?
"So you're not happy with Chris Hill. Okay, please tell me why and when did you last talk to the good Phd doctor about why this is? Oh, right, you DON'T WORK at Utah...but since you bought season tickets, you must've received that complimentary Master Degree in Sports Management with the purchase, and now you're an expert. Oh wait, you're a lawyer, oh, sorry that must make you an expert on these matters, my apologies, failed doctor."
These naboobs are the people who go to a movie and complain through the whole thing, robbing everyone within earshot of enjoying the experience of it.
"Seriously, I'm digging this Kevin Hart flick, and I don't care if you don't think he ain't funny or can't act, STFU, and turn off your cellphone."
But Welby, everyone has a right to complain. We have a voice, without us, there would be no "Utah".
I complain about stuff all the time, mostly about other people complaining about complaining about complaining. You have every right to rant, America, home of the complainers and ranters, we're all the same. In fact, I'm complaining right now that this breakfast sucks. But lord almighty, give our team a break and ease up. I mean you name it, the Ute whiners complain about it. It's like they almost cheer for us to lose so they can have something to bitch and complain about. Lookie, IMHO 80% of Utah fans are happy and enjoy our wins, but the jackrabbit 1% who complain are unfortunately 80% of what is fed over the loudspeakers.
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered...we need action!!
We have some serious 1st world problems going on here because we got people complaining about being successful. I wonder, why even bother responding to them, I should order another pitcher of bacon instead? But as my form of entertainment (this is what all of this is, right?), I spend time thinking and getting involved in this stuff. Someone has to stand up to these bullies...why not lil ol me?
As my Asian Uncle Olaf used to say...to be fair.
So I axed ya'll...what, where, and why is the beef dealio? If a Naboob can lay out legitimate arguments for their grievance(s), that's based on facts (not #sources), that have resulted in a disaster for our team, PLEASE educate us of your wisdom and research. If it's legit, I'll join the narrative you're throwing down. And, I'll do one more up, I'll even write my local Ute congressperson and see if they can do us a solid and make things right.
Otherwise, lighten up and enjoy the ride, it's a good one. Give our peeps some props instead of always complaining about their body of work. They deserve some accolades and cheers, they work hard, are good at what they do, and bring us wins. Don't be the fanbase that make their jobs a thankless one. Enjoy being a fan, it's all just a game and your downer thing is making us all lose our cool buzz. Be positive man, our future is bright, so bright we gotta wear shades bros and ladies.
Complaint done, now drinking more "Everything is Awesome" Kool-Aid. Mmmmm...cherrylicious.
Peace out.
Go Utes!!
Welby aka "Fan Police"
